Kind of. You know Rush's Cygnus X-1 songs? They're a pair that follow this storyline in which this guy on a ship travels to Cygnus (the constellation) and tries to settle "the battle of heart and mind" and is then referred to as "Cygnus: bringer of balance" and "god of balance" and whatnot.
I really hate it whenever someone writes, that's amazing, or I really like it, but I did find this refreshing, interesting -- loved the voice, the words. Sorry can't go beyond that. Can't really give you suggestions. Just, I came to it, I listened, I liked.
This is beautiful. The parentheticals made it a little hard to read, so you may want to cut down on them a bit, but you definitely shouldn't get rid of them, because the idea is great.
which to me fit perfectly in with your piece as I was reading. Your piece is very... distant, and I read each line rhythmically, under a new breath. It catches me somewhere between dystopia and daydream, soft and deceptive.
Kind of. You know Rush's Cygnus X-1 songs? They're a pair that follow this storyline in which this guy on a ship travels to Cygnus (the constellation) and tries to settle "the battle of heart and mind" and is then referred to as "Cygnus: bringer of balance" and "god of balance" and whatnot.
... I most love: "five people i'm in love with | and | zero | here to hold
query: cygnus as in the constellation?
g
Your mind is a startling place.
Isn't it just the most terrible, beautiful rush? Better than skydiving, I imagine.
I don't remember- specifically. But that sort of thing is easy to find if you only let yourself look.
I really hate it whenever someone writes, that's amazing, or I really like it, but I did find this refreshing, interesting -- loved the voice, the words. Sorry can't go beyond that. Can't really give you suggestions. Just, I came to it, I listened, I liked.
cheerio
g
<3
I am glad you articulated this.
The idea of smiling louder is great.
This is beautiful. The parentheticals made it a little hard to read, so you may want to cut down on them a bit, but you definitely shouldn't get rid of them, because the idea is great.
An interesting occurance of juxtaposition occured while I was reading this, I happened to be listening to this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuCwwlh50cQ
which to me fit perfectly in with your piece as I was reading. Your piece is very... distant, and I read each line rhythmically, under a new breath. It catches me somewhere between dystopia and daydream, soft and deceptive.
Poignant. This is strong. So much emotion...